Cosmetology school!

So tomorrow I start my first day of cosmetology school! I am truly hyped! That and I'm down. I feel like my weight is going to hold me down from doing all that I can do, and be all that I can be. It's hard. But I'm hoping that this will be a better start for me. A new start. I saw my brother and sister -in-law today and there two beautiful kids. It was great to see them. They have two beautiful kids, and a beautiful surrounding. In them is where I see I wanna go. And who I wanna be. They are great people, and I hope God blesses them in a great way. Well tomorrow is a new day, a first step further to my future and what it's going to be. Wish me luck!

Today i woke up, and for once in my life i feel as if things are falling into place. I believe i'm finding myself, and that i have to except how the things in my life finally really are. Im young, and i have my whole life ahead of me, and i cant wait to get there. It's a process. But i feel that God allows us to go through things to learn along the way. He also never allows us to go through things that we cant handle. Today is a good day. Out of all days. Tomorrow may be different but then again tomorrow is not promised to you. I want to share a little about my story. I have a problem. My problem, is where when most people are under a lot of stress, or depressed they run to a lot of different things. I run to food. It's a comfort that is never fully satisfying, and most days it lets me down. Many people suffer from drug addictions, and or alcoholic addictions, and my eating obsession is def. an addiction. Everyday, is a constant struggle. I can wake up and believe that today is going to be a new day and that i can start all over. But my mind plays with me. I walk to the fridge and tell myself that i can do it. I can eat better than scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and all the extra sides, but as soon as i open that fridge, it is so much easier to grab the leftover pizza than to make egg whites or oatmeal. See for most you may not understand that and say to your self "Thats crazy! Why would you do that?'' See this is how my mind set works. If you put a slice of pizza and a salad in front of someone who has an eating addiction. No matter how much we know we should be eating the salad because we need to lose weight, we will go for that slice of pizza, because our mind set already has embedded in it that if we eat that salad, in a hour we are going to be hungry again, its not satisfying, its going to take forever before we lose weight, whereas if you take the pizza, we think ok were already messed up, whats pizza going to do, its so good, way better than that salad, and ill never lose weight. Thats how we think. As psychotic as it is, thats the way it really is. Theres no answer to how we are. We probably don't remember how or when it all started. It just did. We struggle  everyday. We can hide it from most. People would never expect that of us. But when were behind closed doors, we eat, we binge, and everyday it sucks. I want to start my life in a better way, I want my life to be different. I can hope and try everyday, but everyday will be harder, everyday will be a struggle. I pray that God will keep giving me the serenity and the strength to get through my addiction. To handle my issues in other ways than to hurt myself. I hope for those who read this, and you know exactly what i'm talking about, maybe i can be of help to you. All i know, is that today is a new day. A day where i'm happy, a day where i miss those who i have lost. A new day that God has given me.

Olivia.

Well hello!
My name is olivia Cruz. I origionally wanted to make my Blogger, because i feel that this is a good way to vent how i feel, what im about and my accomplishments. I am 20 years of age, and i just recently graduated high school on June9th, 2011. I was a little behind, but i made it and about to continue the next chapter of my life. I will be going to school starting June 28th of this year to be a cosmetologist. I love everything about cosmetology. I love making people and myself look beautiful. I figured i would go for cosmetology because i want girls to feel powerful, ellegant, and that there worth something. I am a plus size woman and growing up in a world full of thin beautiful woman is very hard. For those who may read this and you are plus sized, you know what i mean. Shopping is crushal, and it just reminds you of the things you cant have and what you are not. I want to make this blog to help girls like me feel better about themselves, where they can shop, and tips to make themselves feel better. This is a process for everyone, including me. I just want to help, and maybee this can all help me. So today this is the first day of my blog,and hopefully this goes well. Thanks for reading! =)